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Baltimore Kinetic Sculpture Race
2019 Race Report: Shark Tank (PLATYPUS)



Here's a Sculpture!
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Shark Tank (PLATYPUS)

Baltimore was treated to the 2019 showroom model Shark Tank (PLATYPUS) (Personal Longrange All-Terrain Yacht Proven Un-Safe), with 8 pedaling pilots led by one barnacle at the steering wheel.

This shark is bigger than a bus.

The Baltimore Department of Public Works generally does a great job preparing the racecourse each year, clearing roadways and coordinating projects. This year, DPW threw a curveball at racers on the north side of Federal Hill Park. First, low-hanging vegetation on the left pushed sculptures to the right side. Second, a rigid bollard obstructed that part of the path, concealed under a lightweight plastic barrel. And third, a permanent foot-tall marble cube protrudes into the pathway at the base of the steps leading to the cannon. PLATYPUS narrowly traversed the obstacles, but some of its decorative wheels were seized by DPW’s Merciless Bollard.

PLATYPUS passes the National Katyn Memorial in the circle along President Street. Their emergency brake froze, so they had to pedal extra hard until someone smelled the burn.

They used expired fire extinguishers to shoot smoke out the gun.

On the water, the eyeballs popped out for pilot visibility. One imagines David Hess’ workshop filled with wondrous components from prior projects. The judges awarded PLATYPUS the Engineering award for bearing a tools & parts warehouse they called a “Home Depot on wheels.”

PLATYPUS needed pushing through the mud.

Chum, of course, is the fish matter deployed when one intends to attract sharks (illegal in Alabama).

The KineticBaltimore team noticed Dylan often helped PLATYPUS navigate challenges with abandon. (Challenges are far more frquent for a gigantic sculpture.)

The gun and turret were still appropriately positioned crossing the Jones Falls; we’re not sure what happened between here and the finish line (below).

PLATYPUS has raced in Baltimore since 2005:

  • 2017 as Unidentified Flying Platypus (UFP) (20th Anniversary Mystery & Tall Tales)
  • 2017 as PLATYPUS Australian Cold-Cut Sub (Pilots’ Choice)
  • 2016 as The Golden Eyedra and the Elusive Πλατύπους
  • 2015 as PLATYPUS Lost in Space (2015 Space Cadet award)
  • 2014 as PLATYPUS LOST
  • 2013 as PURPLE PLATYPUS
  • 2012 as El PLATYPUS
  • 2011 (Grand Champion)
  • 2010 (Best Pit Crew award)
  • 2009 (People’s Choice)
  • 2008
  • 2007 (Engineering award)
  • 2006 (Engineering and People’s Choice)
  • 2005 (Grand Champion)

and before that, David Hess created Louie the Dog:

  • 2004 (Golden Flipper award)
  • 2003 (Engineering award)

and was rumored associated with:

A new generation of Kinetinauts.

Someone at AVAM lost their chair to the Engineering trophy, the only one with wheels.

Derrick took this photo of a photo Bob took of Derrick taking a photo.


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Want to See the Next Race?
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Were you in the race?
Please contact Tom Jones if you have anything to add or update, or would like photos of your team’s entry.
  1. Grand Champion: Pandora’s Hell Bent Kitchen
  2. Real Spacewives of Uranus
  3. Shark Tank (PLATYPUS)
  4. Park School Bachelorette
  5. Treez Nutz
  6. Marys-Go-Round
  7. Shark Week
  8. Friends School Shark Tank
  9. NOVA LabsMobile
  1. Jemicy’s The Cutlery, EGGsistential Crisis, Wassssabi, & Grillax
  2. Fake Gnus
  3. Sky Hat
  4. Tröegenator
  5. MC Hammerhead
  6. Trail Trekker
  7. Tick Tock the Croc
  8. Cafeteria Food Boys
  1. Mr. Trash Velocipede
  2. I Dream of Fifi
  3. Humnan Centipede
  4. Sushi Roll
  5. Wizard
  6. Opening Ceremonies
  7. Thanks!
  8. Volunteers, Spectators & Crew
  9. The KineticBaltimore.com Team
12/11/2019 11:21:58 PM   12/12/2019 10:29:39 PM   1:10   2:   3:4   4:1   5:   6:1   7:   8:   9:2   10:2   11:   12:   13:   14:1   15:1   16:   17:1   18:2   19:2   20:   21:   22:   23:   24:   25:   26:   27:   28:   AllInOne:
The Baltimore Kinetic Sculpture Race is sponsored and run by the American Visionary Art Museum. KineticBaltimore.com is the volunteer work of Tom Jones.
If you have any suggestions about making this site better, or any questions, e-mail Tom at tjones@spril.com.