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Saturday 3 May 2014
The long harsh Baltimore winter finally gave way to Spring, and on the first Saturday of May the sculptures come out to play.
With 31 sculptures from 24 teams, spectators got their money’s worth as spectacular sculptures returned with major revisions,
including the now-missing PLATYPUS and Alice’s caterpillar metamorphosed into Peter Pan’s Grand Mediocre crocodile.
With six agile photographers leaping throughout the racecourse, KineticBaltimore.com is proud to bring you this year’s coverage.
Thanks to further investment in cameras, this year’s images have 56% more pixels than last year, and more than twice as many as our 2009 coverage.
To see others’ coverage of the race, or to tell others about your race experiences, be sure to check out the Kinetic Forum.
Tick Tock the Croc
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Sweeping an astonishing collection of awards, Tick Tock the Croc
was awarded
Grand Mediocre and Art by the judges,
People’s Choice by the people, and
Marine Posse Favorite by the Kinetic Kayak Rescue & Repair teams.
The Kinetic Race Rules require sculptures be 35 feet long or shorter. Why not make it 35?
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This isn’t just any crocodile. This is the crocodile to which Peter Pan fed Captain Hook's hand.
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Oars popped out the sides on the harbor as two pilots turned to face the tail.
This is the second sinuous children’s fantasy animal atop this 6-pilot chassis. From 2010–2013,
it was the foundation for Go Ask Alice, the blue hookah-smoking caterpillar from Alice in Wonderland:
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The high-velocity Croc zipped down Lombard Street showing off the clock and skull inside.
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In the mud, the Croc started to jackknife into the crowd, but caused no injuries—far better
than one would expect from a 35-foot crocodile loose in a crowd.
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The Croc soared through the sand with jubilation.
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The crew includes pirates, lost boys, Darlings, Tiger Lily, and Peter Pan.
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Fire & Phoenix
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Two kinetic vehicles came from St. Paul’s School for Boys. First was the visually stunning
Fire,
whose design included aluminum chassis, fabulous
painted plasma-cut fore and aft fins, fabric canopies, and curious lateral pontoons which added considerable resistance to the
water portion.
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The school’s other entry, Phoenix, included large wooden front
wheels with attached water paddles. That chap lounging on the inner tube is what’s known in kinetic lingo as a
barnacle—someone who rides on the human-powered sculpture but does not provide propulsion. Barnacles
must weigh at least 93 pounds (42.1kg).
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As it drove down Key Highway, the front and tail rotated for a visual kinetic feast.
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Barnacles are allowed to contribute enthusiasm.
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Pit crew (with orange moustache sunglasses) point out their mandatory sock creature.
Preparing for the pie-eating contest at the Patterson Park Pagoda.
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Students waited while parents re-set the chain.
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The all-wheel drive and broad gnarled tires made light work of the mud.
For this high quality in an original vehicle, Fire won the Engineering award.
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You’ll notice much in common with 2013’s
also from St. Paul’s.
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Cornography
Sweet Wynona Whale
Good Dog & the Big Itchy Flea Circus
Toyboxers
AMS Swagon & AMS Peacock
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From Arbutus Middle School, the AMS Swagon has a custom chassis
with large vertical pontoons, a conestoga wagon with one small horsepower.
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The AMS Peacock is a smaller model, also with custom chassis,
and an enthusiastic pilot.
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2014 marked Arbutus Middle School’s third annual entry; their past entries were:
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American Visionary Art Museum founder Rebecca Hoffberger applauds the Swagon as they
prepare to make way.
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PLATYPUS LOST
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Pokey the PLATYPUS has gone missing somewhere near Tahiti, so the 8-pilot, 1-barnacle
crew is out searching his
usual stomping grounds in the mighty engineering marvel PLATYPUS LOST.
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At the water entry, the crew sang an ode to the lost PLATYPUS with a Lady Gaga melody.
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Prior PLATYPUS sightings were
- 2013 as PURPLE PLATYPUS
- 2012 as El PLATYPUS
- 2011 (Grand Champion)
- 2010 (Best Pit Crew award)
- 2009 (People’s Choice)
- 2008
- 2007 (Engineering award)
- 2006 (Engineering and People’s Choice)
- 2005 (Grand Champion)
and before that, David Hess created Louie the Dog:
- 2004 (Golden Flipper award)
- 2003 (Engineering award)
and he was rumored to have something to do with:
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Doodle
Chessie
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Chessie resembles a mesozoic
Baltimore-bred plesiosaur with excellent all-terrain tires. Chessie applied for ACE, but the mud was
viciously viscous this year and Chessie needed pushing.
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Everyone should wear life preservers. This sea dragon wears two.
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The rear-steer tricycle configuration was a robust platform on all terrain.
Chessie is new, but the team returns for its fourth year:
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Agogosaurus
PETS
The Most Amazing Dog Park Ever!
Astral Plane
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The Make Believers this year entered a 2-pilot sculpture concentrating art into a smaller design.
Astral Plane is the manifestation of the spirits of Amelia and Muriel Earhart
in the form of a school of flying fish. |
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The Make Believers have a very long history of Kinetic Sculpture Racing:
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Max’s Rat Patrol
Six Sculptures from Jemicy School
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Baltimore’s Jemicy School entered six student-crafted sculptures.
In the kinetic LeMans start, all the pilots start on Federal Hill, out of their sculptures. When
Sister Euphonia O’Blivion struck the gong to start the race, they ran down the hill, into their sculptures.
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Going for ACE of Cakes is a reverse-trike, front-wheel steering
sculpture, whose pilot pushed through water, sand and, mud without assistance to win an ACE award.
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This was the Jemicy School’s eleventh year of Kinetic racing:
- 2013: You Know the Drill, Hammer Time, and Gut Wrencher
- 2012: Traffic Jam, Jeepers, Going Postal, Hot Rod, and Keep On Truckin’
- 2011: Vechysvboat, Einherjar, Odin, Ve and Vidar, Buri, and Brunehilde
- 2010: Veke Versa Boat, Squid Man, Kraken, Cabrena Octopus & Calamari
- 2009: Critter, Lady Jaye, Low Rider Max, Sneaky Moose, and Philly Flyer
- 2008: Revelation, The Sneaky Moose, and Viscar Boot Attempt #3
- 2007: Valkin Visker Bote II, Daisy Pushers, Subdude
- 2006: Subdude and Dia de la Ardilla Muerta
- 2005: Big Baby, Gerbil & Chariot, and Viking & Moose
- 2004: Valking Viscar Boot
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That is the face of someone who has just completed the final major hurdle to winning
an ACE, and the pilot of Cake Boss need
only avoid catastrophe riding downhill back to AVAM to claim it.
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Takes the Cake had a similar design, but did not achieve
an ACE, requiring assistance in the mud.
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After much of the crowd was leaving,
having thought all sculptures exited the water, Icing on
the Cake finally came back toward the pier, still hoping for an ACE after a lengthy spell on the water. The most difficult
part of the race on which to maintain forward progress without assistance is the water exit, and the crowd roared with cheers of
support for the pilot, who heaved his sculpture out of the water with such endurance as to win both the
Spirit of the Glorious Founder and the Marine Posse Perseverance Award.
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It’s my Daddy’s Beemer and I’ll Cry if I Want To
has 2 pilots commemorating teenage respect for German engineering. It won Worst Honorable Mention
for its breakdown, and did not win an ACE.
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With 4 pilots, the largest Jemicy entry, Have Your Cake and Eat It Too
did achieve the high level of competition required to win an ACE.
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Swan Song of Betsy Patterson
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The Swan Song of Betsy Patterson
commemorated the life of Betsy
Patterson Bonaparte, whose family named the site of the race’s sand and mud challenges.
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The swan was lightning-fast through the racecourse
2014 was Tony Walker & Co.’s eighth Kinetic event:
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The Swan balked at the start of the mud as its feathers were soiled.
As bribes, they distributed invitations for the wedding of Betsy Patterson to Jérôme Bonaparte (brother of Emperor Napoleon).
The wedding was held at
the water entry, but an annullment was conducted immediately after they left the water.
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For their turn-of-the-century costumes hand-made from original patterns, they won
Best Costumes.
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Halo
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With an orange and violet color scheme, Halo
returned to tackle the water, sand, and mud.
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For their pit crew’s victory in the Pagoda challenge pie-eating contest, Halo
won the Sweet 16 award—although they were not at the awards ceremony to receive
it. We suspect they were already enthusiastically planning their 2015 entry.
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Quite a collection of pulleys and belts!
This is Halo’s third year, better than ever:
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Team 1-Up
Sticky Situation
Do You Want To Build a Sculpture
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Do You To Build a Sculpture is modeled from Olaf’s
sled in Frozen, with mandatory sock creature front & center.
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The Dumpster Divers’ legacy stretches back to the beginning of Kinetic Racing in Baltimore (further than this website!):
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Minecraft Machine
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The first entry from the STEM program at
Old Mill Middle School in Millersville, Minecraft Machine
celebrates the Swedish 3-D cube-based computer game.
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They suffered a breakdown shortly after the start, but the pilots and crew completed the
racecourse in good spirits.
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Name Your Game
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Name
Your Game from Baltimore’s Friends School is an homage to game shows, with a wheel of fortune, a Plinko! board,
doors that might conceal prizes, and a presenter in a satin dress on a golden chair. |
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Too much lateral stress bends a wheel like a taco—Kinetinauts
use “taco” as a verb. They tacoed a wheel on the first turn, securing the
Golden Dinosaur award.
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In fine Kinetic spirit, the pilots and crew carried elements of their sculpture through the race.
Here they dip the wheel of fortune at the water entry as a kinetic baptism. (Note that one of the fortunes is
“1–3 Rabid Ferrets”.)
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AVAM’s Homecoming Queen Fifi & Bumpo Learns to Drive
Thanks!
Among others making this complex race possible, we enthusiastically thank:
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The Baltimore City Police make the race possible.
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The Medics accompanying racers along the course ready at a moment’s notice to provide first aid.
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Volunteers from the Station North Tool Library rode along with the race, providing repair services en route.
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Volunteers
This kind of chaos doesn’t happen by itself—it requires an extensive team of dedicated volunteers!
If you have what it takes to join the team for next year’s race,
Join the Volunteer Email List!
Spectators
Here are examples of people who know how to make a good impression at an important event.
The KineticBaltimore.com team
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Rich Wilke Amy Swackhamer Christian Borttorff
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Howard Wellman Johanna Jones Tom Jones
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Rampmaster Alan Duda
Melina and Bob Meshako, crew of the HMS Yellowbottom (who also provided photos!) |
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